Defrosting the Icebox

The caveman started Twitter

2010-11-11T13:22:00.000-05:00

I would have added Facebook in there between Blogger and flickr. And let's not forget foursquare.

Social media sites. Quite the craze in my era. We're so socially connected these days through the help of good ol' technology. Everyone is posting their day to day happenings, or so it seems.

I started thinking about the uproar of these sites. At first, you think people are self-absorbed [and some folks are], but thinking back in history, chronicling through life has been ever present.

The Bible first comes to mind if were gonna go back to when years went from B.C. to A.D. The accounts of peoples lives were written. What Moses, King Herod, the Pharisees, Jesus, and the disciples did. What God, Jesus, David, Paul, Pontius Pilate, and Mary said. Moving forward, newspapers, autobiographies, memoirs, biographies, and letters, all have been used to tell the happenings of the world- big or small.

Then we got more technologically advanced and used photographs, emails, tvs, websites (hey bloggers!), telephones, AIM, skype, and text messages to tell a story. It's almost that time to get picture family portraits. Happy Holidays from the So-and-So's to see how little Johnny and Becca have grown up so fast!

The human has always wanted to be noticed since the creation of man. These social sites, while a bit of overkill sometimes, are just the next progression for humans to be heard and seen.

It will be interesting to see where technology and the creativity of the human mind takes us next in our life documenting endeavors. I'm sure there will be something more annoying than someone talking about the every move of their cat via Twitter.

I can't wait.

I've started a new blog.. in addition to this one

2010-09-30T10:57:00.003-04:00

I had previously posted Drugstore Prices : High-end Look on here a few days ago. I have now, after so many requests and me putting it off, started my official PerfektRevisions make-up blog. I'm a MUA in my free time and it's my passion/creative outlet. The old post can now be found here.

Ciao, bella!

Put Up or Shut Up

2010-09-11T19:26:00.002-04:00

I’m proud of the person I am today. So proud, I wish I was the same person, but just 10 years ago. I know we all go through the adolescent stage of making mistakes, growing, and learning… but looking back, I would love to do so many things differently. The top 2 things at my list that I would change: my confidence in my self and my relationships with other people- both intertwined.

Back in high school I was very shy. I had a handful of friends, but I would have definitely considered my self as a loaner- the middle ground between the geeks and the popular crowd. Now, I know I’m not the only person that sat in my room on Friday nights wondering what the popular kids had planned for their weekend, so I’m not too upset about my high school social years (anymore). And yes, everything happens for a reason, but I really wish I had opened myself up more back then. And even in college, I had just started to grow out of my shy shell by the time I graduated. Oddly enough, I realized through Twitter how much time I lost on meeting and forming connections with new people. Kizzy, Jasmine, and Madie… I wish I made more of an effort to connect with you 6-8 years ago. You are all fabulous women.

I also wish I had the confidence to believe in my capabilities. If I could do it all over again, I would have went to an entirely different college [complete with ranked football team- sorry Kizzy, Jasmine, and Madie] and choose a completely different major. Pre-med. Of course I would have liked to have dated a completely different person back in college, but I think relationships are the only things from your past that should never be changed. Sometimes you have to be treated like shit to know how to be treated like perfume.

But in the end, I can’t complain. I’m making moves in my life now. I’m getting my Masters as we speak and I only know I can do it because I got my self through 2 undergrad degrees. Coming out of high school, just getting one degree seemed overwhelming. When it comes to meeting new people, I now find myself being the ice breaker. I introduce myself, try to engage the other person, and in the end I’m forcing my self to grow away from the person I once was.

Maybe 10 years from today I’ll wish I was able to do x, y, and z differently than I am today. But I think that’s how it’s all supposed to be. If I’m the same person 10 or 20 years from now, I should only regret not growing into a better version of my self.

{{{this can't be LOVE}}}

2010-06-09T12:26:00.011-04:00

I've been mulling over this topic for about 45 minutes now. Even in 2010 it must be still touchy. Sensitivity runs high- I know it does in me. Interracial dating/marrying.

Hit up a gossip website of a well known black athlete dating a white woman and watch the negativities get thrown on a comment wall like knives. And I quote, "That's what his swirlin ass gets. White chicks are the ultimate gold-diggers!" Like black women can't go after athletes soley for their money? Have you been to a club in the past- oh I don't know, say- ten years?!?!? Or how about Halle Berry with her last relationship to a white man, "She just wanted a baby with a white man so it could have good hair and light eyes." Doesn't Halle already have "good hair and light eyes"? Or even better, Halle is mixed so, um, yea maybe interracial relationships aren't out of the ordinary for her? You don't have to look hard on those comment walls to get those opinions. Never mind the fact that these people have real, long-term, and possibly loving relationships with the person that is outside of their race. That just can't be so to some people. Just has to be an ulterior motive to why in the world they would go after someone from outside of the box.

Hell, I've even heard similar (semi-toned down) reactions from some of my friends. I've had to stop and wonder on a few occasions if they even realize who they are speaking to. I guess not. I think with time most of them have forgotten that I'm a product of that "swirl". I've never known my mother to be a "gold digger" of any sort. Perhaps you could call my parents crazy, however. They just had to be for getting married in a small, mid-west, primarily white town back in 1979. But then again, maybe it is possible for interracial relationships to form because of, dare I say it, love? Funny, they got married over 30 years ago and I witness a lot of snide remarks in this day and age. But according to the Pew Research Center (http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/06/04/pew.interracial.marriage/index.html?hpt=C1), the percentage of interracial marriages occurring in the present day has nearly doubled from when my parents said I do.

I've never dated outside of my race. I've never been opposed to it either. I just never have been pursued (to a significant degree) by any guy of a race outside of Black. There has to be some cultural connection. I know plenty of Black males that have dated outside of their race, but can't say the same for the Black females that I know. I would love to read a study about that. I get the fact that men are slated to be the aggressors when it comes to dating. Are Black males just generally more aggressive daters over other races/cultures?

Final thought... what's so bad about starting a life with someone that isn't of the same skin tone or culture as you? Will your children not know their "roots"? Is that the argument? My roots are founded in what matters most- God, family and being a good person. Those sound like universal roots to me...

Happy 31st Anniversary Mom and Dad!! (1982- big sis pictured, pre-enterance of fabulous me into this world)

|Hell Date| Part II

2010-02-19T15:51:00.009-05:00

I couldn't take all of this, so I tell him I'll be right back and head to the ladies room. I quickly dial on of my friend's now ex-girlfriend and scream SOS! After relaying my predicament she tells me to hop on the nearby metro or that they'll pick me up, which all sound so wonderful except I have to see this dude again in the gym, I can't just skip out plus he knows where I live. I'll just suck it up and get home as fast as possible after the movie. I walk back to my handicapped seat.

The previews have already started rolling when I make my way back to the designated section. As I return to my seat... he's texting. Now I should have stated earlier that he was texting on the drive there as well. You would think he would have the decency to put the phone down once I returned, but no- that little cell phone screen light was glaring for most of the movie. Anyhow, he's sitting to my right and when I sit down, I make sure to put my body on a diagonal from his, i.e. my back is to him. I thought my position would be a signal to him that I wanted to be left alone, but this guy takes my body language as an invitation to throw his arm around me. I shift even further from him so he's not successful. I remain stiff for the entire movie. No sudden moves from me. As this hell date wears on, I try to think of more ways to get out of the theater when my brainstorming is interrupted by a noise in my ear. Chomp, Chomp, Chomp... he's chewing gum with his mouth open. It just had to be my biggest pet peeve, figures. I'm sure I'm squirming through the entire film now. And let's not talk about his horrendous laugh. The movie was mildly funny at moments, but he must have thought he was watching a Kat Williams comedy show. I had to be with the loudest person in the theater. The public embarrassment continues.

When the movie lets out, he asks me if I want to go to dinner. Quickly, I reply, "No, I'm still full from earlier." I hope he didn't hear my stomach growling. We head back to the baby seat equipped, handicapped parked, BMW. It's on our one sided conversation walk back that he tells me how the hell he's a handicapped personal trainer. Long story short, he gets in an accident, has metal put in his ankle, and is told he will never do much more than walk slowly for the rest of his life. He tells me he wanted to prove the doctors wrong and in turn got really into fitness. Ok, fine, but sir, if your whole point to beating the odds is to not be handicapped at the end of the day, then WHY are you using handicapped privileges?!?!?! Anywho, we get into the car.

I'm waiting for him to put the key in the ignition [of course, after he finishes texting], but instead he says, "Is there something wrong?" I wanted to scream, "IS THAT A REAL QUESTION?!?" but instead I think of an easy thing to cop out on and tell him it's rude that he's been texting all night {I should have added: in addition to every minute of this date including the 30 before you showed up}. He looks at me sincerely and then chucks the phone into the center console and says, "You don't have to worry about that any more. I really like talking to you--" Time out!! This dude has been yapping the entire time. Not me. I was short phrasing all through the night. I cop out again and say I'm really tired and would like to go home. Reluctantly, he starts the baby mobile and heads back.

We're flying down 495 with maniac at the wheel and I decide that since there's a light at the end of the tunnel, I should entertain the next 20 minutes home and actually ask this dude a question. After all, he does like to talk. So I dish out the best question I could think of: "What are the top 10 qualities you are looking for in woman?" This should be interesting... he matter of factly blurts them out as if they are a daily mantra he repeats in his head, "Number one: Her stomach can't stick out further than her butt, two: she has to have good teeth, three: she cannot have bad skin, four: no fake hair -except- I guess braids are ok for working out, five: no kids (are you friggin kiddin me??!!), six: has to be tall, seven: good looking legs, eight: no cellulite, nine: pretty feet, ten: curves in all the right places." What a tool this guy is. So he asks me the same. I say, "I only have four. He has to be intelligent, a gentleman, humble, and most important- have a good spiritual connection." I couldn't believe what he said next. "Oh! Then you'll really like me!!" {Um dude, did you not notice I said humble??} At this point I was internally cracking up. I swear this dude is one of a kind.

Finally, we arrive back in front of the house. I almost didn't wait for the car to come to a complete stop before I opened the door and got out. I say bye and head for the stairs when I hear a car door shut. Why is this fool getting out the car? Keep it moving please! I sigh, stop and turn. I'm 2 steps above him. He tells me that he had a really great time and hopes we can do it again. I pull a tight, closed lip smile and respond, "Mmm hmm." Trying to speed things up, I outstretch my arm for the side hug. Bad move Tiff. Ol ironman two arms it and tries to go for the gold. Mass panic takes over my face and my only defense was a quick head turn to dodge the unasked for kiss. Whew, made it. I mumble something like "Ok, bye" and jet into the door. I had survived.

After relaying the fiasco to my mom and sister, I retire upstairs. But Personal Trainer wasn't done yet. To no surprise, he texts me: "I knew you were the one for me because your last name is January and that's the month when I broke up with my baby momma." OMG. I text him back telling him that I don't think it was the right decision to date and that we won't be going out again. I just needed "time". Of course I saw him again at the gym, but we never spoke and I made every attempt to avoid him. I wonder if he figured out what went wrong, but I doubt it.

If anything, the one win he got from that night was and is being the worst person I've ever gone out with. After him, I wasn't a very pleasant person to take out if things rubbed me the wrong way. So here's to you, Paul, for going down in history as my "Hell Date".

|Hell Date| Part I

2010-02-18T10:01:00.022-05:00

I don't blog about my love life in specifics ever, but one date back in the summer of 2007 is definitely one for the books. I'm happy to say I can look back on this one and laugh. At the time, I was on the brink of having a nervous breakdown. Please excuse my periodic memory lapses, we're talking nearly 3 years back. So here we go...

Anyone that has known me for some time also knows I'm all about staying in shape. The gym has always had a place in my heart. Back then, I was working out 4 days a week in Ballys Total Fitness. My routine in the gym is always the same: get in, change clothes, grab my iPod/water/towel, workout, and get out. Although I'm always "in the zone" with my iPod blaring in my ears when I'm working out {my Leave Me Alone gear}, men will just walk up to me and start talking; and Mr. Personal Trainer was no exception to the rest. I had seen Personal Trainer around many times in my gym visits. He was noticeable for his physique as well as how he worked out. He was focused as I was, and then some, so I was shocked that he interrupted my routine. Later on I would find out him being disruptive was his natural state... but, back to the story. So there I am on the elliptical chugging along to my music when he decides to stand next to it and move his mouth. Taking off my ear phones and slowing down my stride [but not fully stopping] I respond, "What did you say?" He proceeds to introduce himself, says he sees me in here a lot, and that he's going to let me get back to my workout. Well thank you oh generous one!! Before he walks away, he tells me that when I get done with my workout, I should "come find" him in the back weight room. WHAT?? Let's talk about the back weight room aka "Man City" as I call it. The most uncomfortable place for a female to attempt to get her lifting in. She's practically a gazelle surrounded by a lion pride in there. There was no way I was going to trot in there to exchange vital info so he can show off to the rest of the beasts. I finished up my workout and got the hell outta Dodge.

I knew I'd see him again of course, but that didn't bother me. If he was really interested, he'd do the chasing. And he did. To sum it up and get to the good stuff, we exchanged numbers at another run-in and agreed to go out the following weekend. Saturday rolls around and we make plans to see some movie. I asked about the theater nearby so I could look up movie times, he tells me "Let's go to Hoffman 22 (in Virginia, 35 minute drive). I don't like theaters in PG County." Ok, a little siddity, but whatever. I get the times and tell him what time he should pick me up.

It's summer so I throw on something cute, but not over the top. I know I was wearing a favorite pair of tan espadrilles that tie-wrapped at the ankle. I was ready, and waiting.... and waiting... and waiting. 30 minutes pass (and I learned that night I'm wayyy too nice) and his car rolls up. I hesitate for a few seconds, but then decide to not wait for him to come up to the door. We were already going to be late so why waste time? I walk out to the car [745Li I notice, ok nice] and to the passenger door. Personal Trainer doesn't even get out to open the door, just hits the auto unlock button. I was festering with frustration, but get in the car. I wish I didn't looking back. He's talking, but it's not a hello or any type of acknowledgement. That's when I notice he's talking on his bluetooth to someone. Thinking he was going to end convo, I put on my seat belt. He proceeds to put the car in drive and head down the street. I'm in total disbelief. Good ol Personal Trainer here was yapping away with a male friend I figured out. Resting my elbow on the door and my chin on my fist, I looked out the window and realized this was going to be an awful night.

10 minutes pass with this conversation in full force. During that time, I looked out the window at passing cars and wondered {literally} if I would jump and roll out the car, would someone stop and take me home? How bad would it hurt to hit the pavement if I did that? What if I just waved them down? Can people see how miserable I am? Is this jerk serious? Etc., etc. He gets off the phone and says, "Sorry, some people just don't know how to shut up." (I give the death glare) He proceeds to go on and on about starting some business and blah blah. Then he tells me he was late because the mortgage company deducted 2 payments from his bank account and he had to straighten it out. Dude, keep your finances to yourself, I don't want to hear it. You should have called to say you would be late!! All the while he's talking, he continually beeps his horn at people at any random moment, speeds, and yells about how people can't drive. I was not only miserable, I was scared for my 23 year old life.

Crossing over the VA line from MD he proceeds to tell me that I'm lucky he took me out on a date because he thinks "taking women out is a waste of money". Oh Lawd Jebus SAVE ME!!! As he says this, he misses our exit. My response, "oh really?" Fast forward, we get to the theater parking lot and it's packed. He casually drives closest to the building and backs in to a handicapped parking spot. I thought he was just turning around, but nope! He puts the car in park and pulls the blue wheelchair hang tag out the glove compartment. Up on the rearview mirror it goes. Get me out of this car!! As I step out and turn to close the door I notice not 1, but [get this] 2 baby seats in the back! The nightmare just keeps going and going. Somewhere in the "date" he explains that he has 2 children (one that was 7 months old).

I walk quickly towards the theater at this point and wait..... HOLD UP! This dude is a HALF FOOT SHORTER than me!!! Great, now I look like Bridgette Nelson next to Flava Flav. Why me God?!?!? I guess when you are above someone on the elliptical, you can't asses their true height. Fail. I speed walk into the theater. Looking up at the movie list he tells me it's my fault that we missed the movie because I told him the wrong movie time. I definitely snapped back that it was he who was 30 minutes late. He's standing behind me in the line and resting his chin on my shoulder [or should I say, really trying his best to reach his chin to my shoulder]. Awkward. We get tickets to Oceans 13 and head upstairs. Walking by the concession stand he asks if I want anything. I lie and say I ate before we left. There was no way I was letting him buy me anything. I just knew he would hold it over my head cause after all, he doesn't waste his money on women. We walk into the theaters and I stop to glance around for open seats, he continues walking and makes a beeline for... guess where... the designated handicapped seats. Begrudgingly, I walk to them and sit down. Tell him we don't have to sit there, and he replies, "Don't worry, if someone says something, I'll just show them my card." Time for a bathroom break folks.

To Be Continued...

{Same thing, but backwards}

2010-01-11T12:37:00.019-05:00

So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a sh*t, he genuinely doesn't give a sh*t. No exceptions. - Alex: He's Just Not That Into You (2009) [movie]

Plain and simple. Black and white. No ambiguity, no gray, no fuzzy line, no maybe. I wish for the duration of my dating life thus far I had took that line as bible. Bygones.

So what's my angle with this: Am I going to go off on a tangent about how selfishly evil guys [and girls] can be? Give tips and tricks on how to win the one that never committed to you {ahem, me included}? Tell you they'll come around one day and be everything you know they can be? No, Nein, and Nyet. You can accept that they will never be and call it defeat or accept it and call it a victory of your heart. Gawd that sounded mushy and girlie. But whatever.

Hard to fathom, but they're just doing the same thing you are, but backwards. They lead you on/keep you hanging while you put yourself out there time and time again, all for the same purpose.... to not be completely alone. Life analogy: You're the kid sitting at the lunch table by yourself longing for someone, anyone, to sit next to you so you don't look like a loser. They spot you alone and decide to sit there until their friends show up. They don't really want to be sitting there, but they will as long as they know it's temporary. They might do it again a few more lunch periods. Even engage in conversation, share life experiences, and heck they talked to you walking down the hall one day, but that's all to secure the status quo. So they have a buffer until what they really want shows up. Oh and don't let someone who really wants to sit next to you come to the table, ol backwards Bobby might not join you if they see that and there goes your afternoon chat. Eventually, the jig is up and you realize what has been going down. But crap, at least you have someone to sit with you right? You don't want to give that up even if you know it's not everything you thought it was. At least it's... kinda something??

It's you shooting yourself in the foot. That's what it is. Even if the next time they roll up at the table like any other day and you give them the official boot, you feel like a dumbdumb when you see them looking around for another table the next day and so you wave them over. Thinking, maybe they'll see you're truly into them. No, Nein, Nyet. They just see a reliable place to sit once again.

Enough of this lunch with benefits talk. Ok, let's summarize. Stop being your own enemy. We all get duped. Welcome to the club, just don't become a life-time member. Just because they're always there, doesn't mean they're always right. That's called settling my friends.

After I typed that last line, I got stuck. Where to go from here? So I sat here for 7 minutes looking at the cursor blinking... there, not, there, not, there, not... only when I type does it go solid. Gotta move forward. You press backspace a few times and sometimes you make typos, but you keep going. Period.

We need to talk about Kim...

2009-12-07T13:59:00.016-05:00

This blog has been a lonnnnnggg, long time coming. Ever since I started blogging I said I would write it. Even with the pleading of my girl Kizzy, I still wasn't ready... until now.

So let's do this. Because, we need to talk about Kim.

Kimberly Noel "Kim" Kardashian

According to Wikipedia.org she is an American celebutante, socialite, model, actress, businesswoman, and television personality. There's some of your background on her.

Now, I'm a fan of Kim. But, a lot of people are not. Pick a gossip website on any given day, let's go with MediaTakeout.com for example, and read through entry after entry of the negative comments. Why the negativity? A sex tape.

Back in 2007, the said sex tape was released of her and former boyfriend, singer/actor Ray J. I'm an adult and for sole purposes of being in the know, I viewed the tape. My personal opinion... two people in a relationship having sex without the intent of it going public. Well, I somewhat believe Ray J had the intent. He was in front of the camera most of the time and kept referring to him self as the "director". Let's get real people, sex is a part of life. Everyone (well most everyone) engages in it at some point in their life. To be so negative towards this person for that tape is really overdoing it. But yet people continue to criticize her because of it and have critized her with far more things as an attack. She's called a whore [along with any variation of the word] and an attention/media whore. People say her rear end has impants/injections because she's "trying to be Black". She's labeled as not being intelligent. People say she "does nothing" and/or is a gold digger. Lot's more, but I don't have the time or want to get into all of it.

I want to look at the positive/true facts about Kim:

She's a business woman... whether she hit fame because of that tape or not, she's making moves. She started as a fashion stylist for celebrities and down the line - has a reality show on E!, three DASH stores (co-owned with her family), fitness DVD's, is a spokesperson for QuickTrim, is the CEO of the genius website http://www.shoedazzle.com/, is a gorgeous model, is soon to release a fragrance, is a columnist for OK! Magazine, and an actress. I can see why so many people would dislike her on those achievements alone.
She loves her family. They fight and bicker like the rest of us, but she's extremely loyal to them all and visibly cares deeply for them.
She's a philanthropist. She has visited Africa in support of the Diamond Empowerment Fund. She works with The Dream Foundation where she has auctioned off her clothing on Ebay (Kim's Closet) to benefit the foundation amongst other contributions. Has spoke for Dress for Success. Contributed to Jeans Bring Dreams to benefit the Mattel Children's Hospital at UCLA, Operation Smile, Books for Kids, The Armenian Orphanage Foundation, etc.
She appreciates her fans. She has by far the most involved website I have ever seen. It's saturated with her day-to-day happenings, pictures of times spent with friends, childhood memories, makeup and fashion tips as well as her achievements.

I just cannot understand the level of hate people have for her. I think if someone is helping people more than hurting people, then they can't be an awful person. Sure she made a dumb decision the second the 'Record' button was pressed years ago on that camcorder, but that's no reason to throw stones at her. She came from money {father was a prominent lawyer} and is a true business woman so she can't be a gold digger. She dedicates her time to not 1, but multiple charities which I do not see many other celebrities doing [or non-celebrities for that matter]. I could care less about her butt, although her whole female family {including grandmother} have the same abundance going on. Lastly, for people to care what race she dates is ridiculous. At least Reggie Bush knows she's not with him for his money. She came with her own and has made more since the start of the relationship. Moreover, she's found someone who looks at her and not her past.

In closing, I like Kim Kardashian because she is nice as far as I can tell, she is gorgeous, she doesn't bash people, she is growing as a person and she is open with her life. I think she's realized that as a celebrity, she barely has a private life so she decided to put her cards on the table. I admire her for that because not many of us are willing to do the same. So before you bash Kim K, put your life out there and see if people give you the Perfect Person Award.

[It's not you, it's...]

2009-11-09T12:18:00.018-05:00

When I started my saga of blogging adventures, I mentioned that I would not blog unless I am compelled to do so. Ergo, I have to be provoked by something notable... a song, a conversation, an article, a picture, another blog... so on and so forth. Why is that my blogging criteria? Well... you.
I don't want to bore you first of all. Otherwise my blog would look like:

Wednesday, November 4, 2009 "Looked out the window and saw a leaf fall."

and

Saturday, November 7, 2009 "It's 8:30am."

Boring, insignificant and mundane.

Second, no one would read my blog anymore. No explanation needed on that point.

So where am I going with all of this?

Here is where I'm going with it (insert ominous music clip):

The Twitter Addict
Just like a blog, Twitter is a form of electronic expression. Key word: expression. The same principles apply here, or at least in my book. There is nothing worse than me seeing 27 tweets from one person, I mean follower, in the past 5 minutes. Clearly, you are bored and my eyes have been subject to inadvertent punishment as a result. My next move is to unfollow you. This may seem harsh, but it's my only defense. And usually I'll give people a grace period for doing this exorbitant babbling. Maybe you just want to get something off your chest. We're all allowed to go off on a tangent every once in a while, but not every day all day.
Perhaps someone reading this has been unfollowed by me and never knew why. Or maybe you want to know what exactly prompts me to unfollow someone. Well, here you have it in a nice list format:

Song lyrics. Not just one or two lines, practically the whole thing. I have most likely heard the entire song, I do not need a Twitter rendition.
Your every move. I'm talking about EVERY move. We all brush our teeth (or at least should), we all drive to work, we all close the car door, we all check our email.... I flippin got it OK?!?!?
Saying dumb things just to get a response from someone, anyone out there in Twitterland. I do not have time for ignorance and I refuse to give you the attention that your mother, father, or both parents never gave you.
Your mapped location on this planet with every tweet. I am not a stalker and I do not care where you are one minute compared to the next. Plus, you've probably already tweeted about where you are (see 'Your every move' point above).
Retweeting the entirety of your conversations. If I'm not following them, I probably don't know them. Therefore, the conversation between you two is insignificant to me. And if I do follow them, that means I can already see this conversation. Spare me from the redundancy.

So don't take it overly personal if I do unfollow you. It doesn't mean I don't like you the person anymore; I just don't like what you talk about or how often you talk. I did a little self check, and my average tweeting in a day (not including replying to my friends) is somewhere between 7-13 posts. Yesterday, I twit 5 times. And today, twice since I got up at 6am. I just really wonder what some people were doing with their lives before they signed up for Twitter?

Final thought: Just use some discretion please.

...For the LOVE of Money...

2009-10-14T14:49:00.008-04:00

I attempted to count how many wedding invitations I've seen in the past year and a half. Let's just say too many for me figure out in a short amount of time. Every other day it seems as if new photo albums are up on Facebook about "So & So's" wedding. My first thought is, "Crap, I'm behind the curve here." But my second thought, "Um, don't these people know it's a recession"??

They do.

After doing some Googling (aka accredited research) on marriage rates and the recession, I was quite surprised. Now I'm not going to cite stats because A) probably 5 people read this blog and I doubt anyone would really care enough to check them out and B) I don't work for a newspaper or CNN so what does it matter? In a nutshell, marriages haven't declined because they actually become a proxy for stability in these unstable times. Financially and emotionally.

Tax breaks and medical coverage are two big benefits of marriage in the financial spectrum during these uncertain times. Our healthcare system in the US is, well, a joke and taxes are through the roof. Internally speaking, being married can give someone the feeling of a sure thing when everything else around you isn't so sure. When little worker bee goes out in to the world everyday and hears the doom and gloom watercooler talks of pending layoffs... it would be nice to go home to someone who's going to be there "for better or for worse".

This stuff carries over into the divorce rate during a recession. "It's cheaper to keep her" they say. Divorces are expensive, no doubt about that. People are even choosing not to separate. If you do, then there's 2 mortgages (or 2 rents- however you swing the living arrangements) that have to be paid. Money, money, money.

I just hope the people I do know that are married or will be soon are doing it for the right reasons. Some I don't doubt, but a few of the others that came up quickly, I have my notions about.

At any rate, let me dedicate this song to everyone who took part in the marriage boom I've been noticing...

|We Drink Beer Too|

2009-08-11T14:31:00.010-04:00

Can you name the 7 zebras on the field during a football game?? Did you know each zebra even had a name, not just referee? I usually find myself asking this question to men when they think I'm just another girl that has no knowledge of sports. And once I rattle off all 7 {usually the last one takes me a second to remember} I get the same reaction, "Wow I didn't even know that." Now, I may not be able to hold down an arguement with a bunch of guys on who is the best CB, RB, QB, TE or WR in the game, but I do know at least what those positions are and what they do. I'm not the chick that goes to a game, complains about the weather, talks during every play, asks what just happened, and then gets bored and starts to look at her nails. I was raised better than that. I can't rattle off stats from 9 years ago [although I wish I could], it seems that guys have a brain capacity geared towards those types of things. Nonetheless, I'm into the game, I'm aware, and I get just as excited for football season as any other man I know.

Preseason has just begun. While my man was watching Storm Stories on The Weather Channel this past Sunday evening, I kept saying, "Isn't the first game of the season on??" His answer, "I think it's on tomorrow." Of course I was right and mad that I missed the first quarter and most of the second. He's lucky it wasn't a regular season game. Later in the night he changed the channel!!! Stopping for a second to reassure myself that I was still the female in the relationship and he was still the male, I had to acknowledge that not everyone watches preseason. Newcomers and unsigned players are trying to earn their spot and most games are uneventful. However, he better not pull that stunt again.

I decided to write this post because one of my friends on Twitter {I think} typed something about how it was football season again and women are going to be upset because guys will be all into the games. I took offense to what was said. I've been waiting for the season to start ever since last season ended. I watched the draft. I've kept up with OTA's and training camp. I've been asking about the set up of a Fantasy Football league to one of my friends since last month. And I know there are other women out there just like me. But maybe we're a small percentage in the female population. And if that makes me "sexy" for knowing the game along with other sports [which I've been told], then so be it. Just don't put me in a box with the rest of the chicks. That's all I ask.

By the way:

Referee
Umpire
Field Judge
Line Judge
Back Judge
Side Judge
Head Linesman

-One of Many-

2009-06-16T11:19:00.009-04:00

I couldn't find my iPod this morning so I was stuck with talk radio on my drive to work. I don't understand why people want to talk so much in the morning. Play some music to get me through this traffic. But, nontheless, I had no choice. On WPGC, Tigger was filling in while Donnie is on vacation. He dropped the statistic that 70% of African-American women are single. Meaning, when they file their taxes they check the Single box as opposed to Married. Don't confuse it with the thought of: are they in a relationship or not. We're talking about legal (and what used to vastly be religious) commitment. Of course they wanted to know why this number was so huge. It's a mixture of things quite honestly. As with any social dilemma, there's never one quick-fix answer.

Let's look at modern media to start. I say this over and over again like a broken record, but the flash and glamour of the music scene do not help the African-American community. Songs and videos are full of the "pimp/playa" ideal. A man has many women. The women don't care about being one of the many. This has been seen for years and years in our music. So when women are seen as disposable and replaceable, why would a man want to get married? They don't have to. It's not the norm. How does this transfer over into real life? Go to the club one night. Count how many tables you see where men have surrounded themselves with women to portray the same images as seen in the videos. And lots of ladies give it up easy. No work needed. So that's no help to lowering that 70% at all.

Let's look at values or lack there of rather. How rampant is it to be the norm to come from a single mother home amongst African-Americans? There is nothing wrong with being a single parent, but let's look at what the kids see. They don't learn how to be in a marriage. My parents have been together 30 years this month. I've seen the real struggle to keep a marriage going through the rough times. I've seen the benefits of teamwork. Too many times I've heard people say "If I get pregnant/If I get a girl pregnant then it's just how it's supposed to be." What happened to getting married before bringing kids into the picture?? I rarely hear nowadays people saying no kids before marriage, absolutely not happening. I feel like the minority. So, back to the stat in question, if a guy does not need to get married to get a kid, then why get married?

The next point was raised on the radio and I don't know how I feel about it completely. Education and salary. Apparently, if an African-American woman has more education/income than an African-American man, he feels emasculated and therefore won't date/marry her. I can see how this could present an issue, but I don't think it's the end all for a man to not get married. At least not African-American men as a whole. For some men, it's a drive to do better and reach higher when it comes to career. If they can be the boyfriend of someone who makes more than them, I don't see the disconnect where they can't be the husband to someone who makes more than them. Don't guys want to know a woman isn't with them for their money anyhow?

Lastly, I'm not going to put all the blame on the men. Cause it definitely takes 2 in this situation. African-American women have gotten a little lost when it comes to gender roles. Yes, we can do it all, but if a man doesn't feel needed in places he has been told from birth are his places, then why would he get married? I had a hard time figuring this one out myself. I hated when guys would open doors or carry my bags for me. But what they are taught as men, that is what they need to do, it's their place. So LET them do it. And look- women don't need to cook for their man every day of the week, but do it once in a while. They will look at you so starry-eyed it's ridiculous. Same goes for cleaning here and there. It's an age-old way of men deciding if you're going to make a fit wife, to be able to take care of his children and him for the long haul. (Well, we gotta stop having children before marriage for that to work don't we?) I want to touch on the fact that African-American women need to take better care of their health and eat right, but then I'm sure I'll get the "He better love me for me and not my body" response. Please, he will love you deeply, but his picker will point at another woman when it comes to sexual attraction. And guess what? If you can keep yourself in good health and good hygiene, I'm going to bet he'll think you can do the same for his offspring. And please note, there is a difference between being 'thick' and being overweight. If you don't know the difference, check your BMI. 'Thick' will be on the higher end of a healthy/normal BMI- not in the obese area.

So let me dedicate the following video to this 70% stat. Good luck to us ladies out there wanting to make it to marriage. It may not be in the cards for us. We may have to date outside our race. Or we may just need to find that needle in a haystack African-American man who will commit for the rest of his life. After all, we do call them "The One".

[Letting Go]

2009-06-02T15:52:00.007-04:00

Woooooowwww! So a whole month has passed since I've shared my thoughts and opinions here. I guess my surgery + move + adjusting time really threw me off balance. Definitely more than anticipated. The surgery recovery was brutal, the move was thankfully smooth and the adjustment time has, well, taken some time. But I think I'm in there pretty good now. Funny I used the words "off balance" because that is exactly this post is about. Weighing the pros and cons- The Cost/Benefit Analysis.

I've seen/heard this topic come up quite often. From a co-worker to a blog {http://theinsanityreport.com/home/index.php/2009/04/13/random-thoughts/why-you-cant-findkeep-a-good-man } to simple Facebook status'. The common denominator in all of these examples is that they've come from men. What's up with the female genetic makeup when it comes to realising "This is some BS, I'm out"??

In truth, it took me awhile to learn this skill. It wasn't second nature. I've had to have a lot of convos with male friends and even my father to pick this up. For all of the women that have seen the movie He's Just Not That Into You, what did the guy do when he figured out he didn't like the girl? Each and everytime he dropped the contact with her. Cold turkey. Why is it that women can't do the same so easily? Plenty of times I've listened on the phone to my unhappy girlfriends telling me some story about how dude did them sooooo wrong and I tell them "Red Flag". I'm not talking about petty things like how he failed to open the door one time they were out or how he was in a bad mood one day. I'm talking about how dude played her recklessly. So, I tell them red flag and to move on. Lo and behold, I'm having the same convo with the same girl about the same guy, but just a week later. Shoot me.

Why is it that so many women are into believing a guy will turn out to be what they want in the end when in the beginning they never were?? Why is it that we seem to have our relationship analysis button stuck on 'fix' when it should be blinking 'RUN'?? As much as I would hate to say it, take some dating advice from a guy on this one and cut your losses early. Look at them, they move on like they missed a train and know another is coming out the tunnel 2 minutes later. Maybe it's the right train, maybe it isn't. Maybe I shouldn't be equating dating to train schedules, but really, get off at the next stop if the ride isn't working out.

Post-Op {Day 4}

2009-05-01T21:43:00.007-04:00

Let me tell you why Day 4 sucks more than the first 3 days... the pain hasn't changed. It's pretty consistent. Pain is there every time you swallow, every time you drink, every time you attempt to eat, every time you clear your throat, and every time you move your tongue. Day 4 is worse than the others because you're finally tired of it. Tired of being in pain, tired of taking meds that make you fall asleep every 3 hours, and tired of not eating real food.

I've lost 5 pounds total in the past 4 days. Sounds great ladies right?? Wrong. I don't know how anorexic people do it. I have a headache from not being able to eat pretty much all day. It's not the cute, in-shape weight loss you get from working out. It's just like that lethargic looking weight loss, kind of like (but still not as bad as) how the Jews in Nazi concentration camps looked. Or that's how it feels.

I attempted to stop taking the meds and see how bad the pain would be. It's not bad, just way more noticeable and therefore annoying. I took my regular dosage recently and added some Extra Strength Tylenol to it. I'm sure I'll be knocked out soon. Tomorrow I'm going to attempt to go out the house with one of my friends. This will be a very short trip. I don't want my meds to wear off while I'm out. And I'm not bringing a huge bottle of meds with me. I want to be normal for a few hours.

I know people mean well, but the most annoying thing I hear is "tell me if you need anything". I need someone to find me boxes for my move next week. I doubt someone is going to start that hunt. I need to have someone bring my rent to the leasing office at my apartment. I doubt anyone is going to jump on that trip either. I don't take those words for granted, but at the same time I don't think they're all inclusive.

Day 4 is the worst because it's depressing. Another day to expect the same thing. I'll be ok. I know in a couple of days when I do feel better, I'll forget all about it. Between texts, Twitter, Facebook and blogging, I don't know how I could do this. I feel bad for people that are confined to their homes for significant amounts of their lives. I'm grateful this is only temporary.

Post-Op {Day 3}

2009-04-30T19:31:00.004-04:00

I woke up with a small fire in the back of my throat today. I took some Vicodon and laid back down. I think I woke up around 10am today.

As a whole, day 3 hasn't been as bad as expected. I could talk somewhat, not wanting to over do it, I kept my words to a minimum. I can see that the pain gets worse as the day progresses. Like the more tired my body gets, the more I can feel pain when I swallow or move my tongue. I still have no real feeling of hunger. I force myself to eat something once a day because I start to get a headache and feel weak. I've lost 4 pounds total thus far.

The swelling around my upper neck and jaw is the most uncomfortable. One good tip that I learned from my infatuation with plastic surgery shows is that the docs like to use frozen peas as a cold compress. It lays better on body contours because of the small, round shape and isn't as piercingly cold as ice. James brought me 2 bags of peas when he visited today- that helped so much. Plus it was nice to see a face other than mine in the mirror or my parents.

I can tell tomorrow will be the day where my ears will start to bother me. I can already hear the rushing sounds in my eardrums and my ears are kind of muffled as if I was on an airplane.

I am able to move around as I please. I just don't because I end up groggy from the meds. This is also why I cannot drive anywhere. Not a good idea until I can come off the meds and get my strength back up again. I'm hoping by Sunday I'll have a huge improvement. I am at least sleeping better. I don't need to prop up on pillows and it's more normal now. Day by day, I'm getting there.

Post-Op {Days 1 & 2}

2009-04-29T20:38:00.006-04:00

I don't remember going under. None of the count back from 100... 99... 98... 97... I don't remember them moving me from the gurney to the operating table. No bright lights. I barely remember them wheeling me in. I guess that "loopy" medicine had me looped.

When I woke up, I could barely focus my eyes. For a second, I swore my Lasik surgery had somehow gone bad. I kept going in and out of consciousness. That mask didn't help my already labored breathing with the humidified oxygen it was blowing. Once I finally came to completely, I remembered looking around at the other patients and nurses in the room. The nurse assigned to me was always there when I woke up. Writing something on a clipboard and looking at the monitors. The pain wasn't as horrible as I had expected. But it was there. Oh and my doc came by to check on me. I remembered waving at him to show him I was doing ok and he saying the operation went perfectly. I nodded back. I'll see him at his office sometime next week.

I was able to get up and use the restroom. There I looked in the mirror at the back of my throat. Hollow was the first word that came to mind. It looked amazingly perfect, nothing like the gruesome stuff I had seen on YouTube videos of other people. When I came out they had me sit in a chair and attempt to eat orange popsicles, drink 2 small cups of apple juice, some ginger ale, and orange jell-o. Yes, yucky, gross jell-o. I was told it was my "work" for the time I would be there. I attempted the apple juice first. Some pain. They brought me liquid Vicodon and gave me a shot of something else. Much better. Back to work. I got through the apple juice and popsicles. I tried for good measure the jell-o. It was still awful. That was the end of that.

People kept coming by and saying how good I looked. I guess that surgery has people in pretty bad shape. I was in there smiling for the most part. I left the hospital finally, they wheeled me out in a wheelchair. The nurse must have wheeled people a million times out because he was flying me around those corners. I went home and laid down. Strategically placing my pillows so I could breathe properly. More than once I thought I was going to suffocate if I didn't lay a certain way or with my mouth open. With the medicines I'm always dozing off every couple of hours. I take liquid Vicodon once every 4 hours and liquid Amoxycillin every 6 hours. I even set my alarm clock for 3am and 7am so I don't wake up in extreme pain.

As far as eating, I tried mashed potatoes last night. That hurt. It took me 45 minutes to eat about a half a cup. Today I tried egg noodles with butter and that seemed to work out better. No matter what I'm eating, there's still pain that I push through. Apple juice has been my diet staple for the past 2 days. I'm glad I got a huge bottle of that. I have lots of gatorade that I've barely touched and anything thicker isn't going to happen. Right now my tongue and anything near the back of my throat is swollen. If I do nothing, including trying to swallow, and just sit there, I'm fine. I think externally I'm a little swollen around my jaw and the upper part of my neck. I can talk, but it's hard to do. My voice is very faint and high-pitched.

The doc says tomorrow is going to be tough. I wonder what's going to happen. I guess I'll add Tylenol to my list of drugs for that and hope for the best. It's a sucky operation, but it's not as horrific [yet] as I have read online or seen on YouTube. I can say it's an operation that someone can only go through once in a lifetime though. If it was possible to do again, they'd have to pay me.

PS- Oprah has the 4pm hour on lock. Apparently nothing else comes on during that hour that is watchable.

Nip/Tuck

2009-04-27T14:54:00.008-04:00

It's the day before my surgery and I think I'm ready for it. I think I've been ready for it. Truthfully, I'm not concerned about the pain. Yes, it's going to hurt [like hell], but you can't die from pain. I'm not afraid of hospitals. I love doctors, especially my doc {he's pretty cool, he went to DeMatha high school back in the day... Seton can't get away from the DM boys once again}. At this point I'm just antsy. Get it over with please so I can go thru the day by day healing process. I hear day 2 is brutal along with day 5 [supposedly your ears hurt like holy hell]. Oh well.

I'm stocked up on gatorade and other fluids along with the softest food you can think of. I even contemplated buying baby food, but that thought grossed me out. I'm also stocked on the entire 6 seasons of Sex and the City thanks to my sister's bday gift to me. I've already seen all of the episodes, but I'll never refuse watching all of them again. I've also stocked up on DVD movies out of my friends Charles' personal collection. I picked things I hadn't watched before and hopefully won't require too much thinking as I will be delirious for a while.

I got all my affairs in order with my moving so I'm pretty sure I can rest up without any worries. And I have something to look forward to as well. Light at the end of the tunnel! Happy Tonsillectomy Tuesday!!

Get Your Umbrella

2009-04-16T09:37:00.009-04:00

Watch the news or read the newspaper on any given day and I can bet something regarding the recession going on across our nation will be mentioned. I've stopped paying attention to a lot of it because I know it's bad. It's here and I don't have to read up or tune in to notice it.

Now more than ever I've had to track my finances, save up for things I want to do/have big or small, and plan out months in advance how I can make something happen. For example, I'm moving into my own apartment next month. I wanted to make sure I could swing the rent, so instead of moving out right then and there (which I wanted to) back in January, I told myself I needed to 'fake' my rent for 3 months. So I opened up an ING account. And each month I had to put away what I'd be putting towards rent. This was a smarter move than just sticking the money in my savings account because with ING, I can't get the money back immediately like I can with a transfer from my savings account to my checking account. So in a way, the money was gone and I was able to see how I faired each month.

This is smart money planning. Something I should do for everything. And here is where the recession has become a blessing in disguise. I'm learning better money management. I'm learning to appreciate what my money goes towards. And I'm learning I can still be fab on a dime {I can make several fiyah outfits out of mixing and matching basic pieces}. Basically, I'm learning what matters and how needs are different than wants.

Now, heading to that restaurant with a coupon for 'Buy one entree, get one 1/2 off' is no longer seen as cheap. You won't get snide looks from your waiter or chuckles from the table across from yours. It's smart. It's accepted. Shoot, maybe I should be using that free panty card from Victoria's Secret. LOL! Everyone is downsizing and cutting back. Even the music and fashion industries. Check out some of the articles below on ways people are saving.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090416/ap_en_mu/fea_fashion_blah_bling

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1891527,00.html?cnn=yes

http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1891475_1891477,00.html?iid=tsmodule

http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1887485,00.html

My 25th birthday is this Sunday. I'm spending gobs of money on it. And I've had more than one person ask me, "Tiff, are you sure you can afford that? Isn't that a little much?" Yes, and no. I can afford it- it's been budgeted. It would be a little much if I hadn't planned for it months in advance. See- still being able to do things that are significant with the help of smart planning.

I'm glad this recession came about for me at this age. And I hope once the economy has regained it's foothold, I won't lose these valuable lessons. When I was little, my mom used to tell me, "Save your money for a rainy day." I never understood this statement until I got older. Guess what mom, it's raining and I'm still saving.

.:It Is Our Fault:.

2009-04-14T08:35:00.004-04:00

My friend dropped this link in a Facebook message to me and a few others and wanted to get our reactions on it. I felt it blog-worthy, so here's the link and my response to it.

http://theinsanityreport.com/home/index.php/2009/04/13/random-thoughts/why-you-cant-findkeep-a-good-man/

I think everything this dude says is valid. And I say this because he's a GUY! Guys know what they want and they aren't going to make this stuff up. It's blunt and real and some women can't handle how unfair it sounds, but guess what - the truth hurts. Women need to stop taking advice on MEN from their WOMEN friends. Doesn't make sense to do. Why go to a second party when you can go straight to the source? Awhile ago I vowed to never take serious advice on guys from my girl friends ever again. You know who I talk to? My dad. He's a guy and an older guy, so he's speaking from lots of experience and wisdom. Since he's my dad, he's going to give me the straight up truth cause in the end he knows that will protect me. And fathers are all about protecting their daughters.

I will disagree with this one statement he made regarding how much $$$ a guy spends on dating a woman:

Now I know the typical woman response is “But I spend about that much for clothes, hair and other things I do for you.” Bullshit. This isn’t like doing your taxes. You can’t write off your everyday, normal expenses. Its not even in the same ballpark.

OH YES IT IS. He talks about women keeping up their appearance later on in his blog. Men are visual. If they want that trophy wife he speaks of, we have to put in work. Hell, we wouldn't have caught his eye in the first friggin place if we didn't spend all that money on hair and clothes and HEELS. Do you think we would put ourselves through all that time and pain for ourselves?? Hell no. I'm pulling his card on that statement and I say bullsh*t back.

Lastly, ladies need to keep in mind that this blog is about keeping a GOOD man. I sat there reading for a while thinking "I've done all of this!" But, the reality was, I wasn't working with a good man back then. So pay attention when he says:

If you’re going for the “thug type” then don’t bitch when shit doesn’t work out.

Listen to men and what they say. But only take advice from men you see as honorable. Don't ask the dude that's out there trying to get at everything with a working vajayjay and refers to all of them as b*tches. He has his own issues to work through. Oh, and surely don't ask your ex. Yes, you may still be good friends, but he is going to lie to you cause he doesn't want anyone else getting to you. He may be your ex, but to him, in some way, shape or form, you're still "his".

**Disclaimer** I do not like using straight profanity in my blogs and will usually alter/censor my own. However, I did not censor what I quoted of the writer for authenticity purposes.

Quick Thought

2009-03-30T15:01:00.005-04:00

People in Corporate America.... go take your lunch break!

Just had a convo with my co-worker. He had calculated how much money your lunch break adds up to per year. At our company, we get an hour. So that's 5 hours a week x 52 weeks {rough calculation of course} = 260 hours per year... x that by your hourly rate.... let's just say mine came out above $5,000.

Therefore, I will NO LONGER take my lunch breaks at my desk and continue to do work technically for free. I'm going to spend my imaginary $5k wisely.

Have I Changed?

2009-03-26T09:37:00.018-04:00

I haven't blogged in a while. A long while. But I only blog when I'm inspired by something. A conversation, a news report, a song, a thought... a feeling. And I guess the inspiration has to be followed up with motivation.

So yesterday, I'm sitting in my room and clicking through the channels. I'm off of work thanks to my tonsils and let me tell you... unless you're at the ripe ol age of 5 and a half, day-time television isn't that great. Click the OnDemand button. Scroll through the BET options. I pass over the new reality show Harlem Heights. What the hell, it's only 21 minutes long. I'll watch the premier episode. It's decent. Well to do, up and coming, black young adults. Anything is better than mindless For the Love of Somebody, I Love Something, Something of Love, Some Bar Drink at Love, I Love Some State... you get where I'm going.

In the first episode, they start with 11/04/2008. A big day across America no doubt. They film the moment Obama is declared President Elect. Tears of joy, shock, disbelief, belief and elation flow from the cast members as well as people across the country. I remember that moment. I was just the same as they were.

Boy, we can do ANYTHING now!!

Fast forward to 3/26/2009 [not on the show, just the here and now]. Almost 6 months later and I wonder what happened to our motivation? Maybe I'm looking too close to the surface, but I don't feel that same energy. Not even with myself. I haven't set out on reaching the goals and aspirations I had put off for so long or never thought possible to do. And I don't feel that others are surpassing me in their strides towards obtainment either [post election that is]. Is it too early for these changes to be seen? Like the economy and it's road to recovery, is this something that will build with time? I hope so. Perhaps our economic well-being and our motivation to achieve are linked? Sounds viable in the Sociology world.

So I sat there yesterday, watching these young black Americans, basically mirrors of myself {minus living in Harlem}, hoping again. Hoping I'll pick up the slack on my life and DO SOMETHING greater than I've attempted in my life thus far. Even if it's not achieving greater education or money- because those things aren't everything. Maybe I'll dedicate myself to a greater cause. Find meaning in others. Sh*t, I'm a giver. This is a well known gift and curse of my life {cough, love life to be specific}.

Anyhow, if you are out there bettering yourself because of recent history or just have been because you are called to it, keep doing it. You never know who you are inspiring.

...She Did It...

2009-03-18T15:34:00.010-04:00

Look who took my advice on the shoes she wore with that gawd-awful dress in her video shoot!!

Lastly, gotta talk about the shoes. Maybe they're bad {you know in the good way}, but they definitely do not go with this dress. Skinny leg jeans or leggings... yes.

You're welcome Bey! [she even looks happier]

Wait a Minute Mfer!

2009-03-17T08:52:00.018-04:00

This may be my weirdest/oddest sounding blog yet, but I somehow thought about all this during my commute to work on the Metro this morning [inbetween my naps of course].

Ever been around someone that completely and wholly drains you?? I have. And not too long ago on some TV channel at some random time on some random day when I had nothing else to do {which is quite often}, I found out there's an actual term for these types of people. Cue the "Energy Vampire". Google it. Stuff actually comes up. I found a pretty good description on what an energy vampire entails:

Energy vampires drain positive energy in many ways, such as:

Intruding on your life, ignoring boundaries and privacy (energy vampires don't think of you).

Making big deals out of nothing. Energy vampires are often called "drama queens" because they can easily turn a broken nail into a Shakespearean tragedy. Negative energy spreads from everyday events.

Complaining constantly about their partners, jobs, children, bad luck, and illnesses. Energy vampires like to vent.

Criticizing your hair, appearance, job, children, partner, friends, and pets (energy vampires aren't positive).

Not taking "no" for an answer. Energy vampires don't consider your needs.

Being unrelentingly negative. Their negative energy is unrelentless, and energy vampires drain your positive energy by encouraging you to be negative, too.

Blaming everyone else for their problems (energy vampires don't take responsibility).

How Energy Vampires Drain Energy & Why You Feel Depressed After a Conversation:

You know you've spent time with an energy vampire when you leave feeling depressed, exhausted, or sad. Energy vampires drain your positive energy for their own use. Energy vampires leave you feeling empty and sluggish.

Energy Vampires Need Your Positive Energy:

Energy vampires come in all shapes and sizes: loud and aggressive, soft-spoken and shy, charming and seductive, pushy and overbearing. Often they don't even realize they're bleeding you dry. Energy vampires have often suffered some sort of crisis, whether in childhood or adulthood, and they're compensating to get rid of their negative energy. They may not be deliberately, maliciously stealing your positive energy - but they're definitely not contributing to a fantastic relationship.

Ok, so basically these EV's [shortening the term] can be anyone in your life. They may not even be a constant EV when you interact with them. Certain situations may spark their need to vent and drain. My best example of a person who is an EV in your life is the person you tend to say the familiar phrase "misery loves company" to your other friends/family when speaking of the EV. What I do know for sure is there have been some people that I've been around who are definite constant EV's. It's the person that weighs down your mood and makes you feel uncomfortable. You can't wait to get away from them and as soon as you do, it's like you can breathe again.

I hope I'm not an EV to some people, but I know at times I can be. I'd say use this blog entry to evaluate yourself. Are you a constant EV? An EV to certain people? Certain situations? Who is an energy vampire in your life? Can you avoid them to protect your positive energy? Can you alter their mood so the relationship is beneficial instead of draining?? In the infamous and appropriate words of Jerry Springer, "Take care of yourself, and each other." ;)

GOOD GAWD!

2009-03-13T15:08:00.005-04:00

So was skimming thru one of my fav celeb blog sites {http://kimkardashian.celebuzz.com/} and glanced at some of her pics from a trip with Reggie to Anguilla. I couldn't keep my eyes from bugging out on this one. Just HAD to post it in my blog. God is good Kim!!

And please notice the fitted in this one [click on the pic to blow it up]... gotta love it!

Let's Get Twisted

2009-03-12T15:44:00.015-04:00

I went to Yoga class the other night after having missed it for months. The instructor at my gym left for a period of time and is now back. Got to say I'm glad because after class was all said and done, I realised how much I had missed it.

Now let's get a few things straight about Yoga... 1) It's not just simple stretching. I had class 2 days ago and my shoulders and triceps are still sore. Even simple stretching isn't easy. I know a lot of people that find stretching painful and intense [most dudes can't touch their toes for anything]. Don't worry, yoga isn't meant to be painful. You listen to your body and stop when it tells you to. 2) It's a workout. More than increasing my flexibility, it helps with building my upper body and core strength. 3) It's not boring. Although it is a quieter practice, I find myself challenging my body more than some aerobic classes with all the bass-pumping music and jumping/kicking around. 4)Lastly, it changes you. In the beginning of the class we quietly assess our minds and bodies to see what is plaguing us and by the end of the class I'm calmer, looser and get this... happier. I know that takes a lot because I'm a morning person and by the end of the day I just don't have the energy. All in all, yoga is a lot more than what it seems. You just have to take the time to find out. So I encourage you {women and men} to take a class and try it more than once so you can get used to it. It's not as pansy as it seems.

Here are 10 of my favorite poses:

Warrior II

Fish

Tree

Plow

Eagle

Cobra

Downward-Facing Dog

Happy Baby (lol- you rock forward and backward)

Pigeon

Childs

WHYYYYY?!?!

2009-03-12T15:09:00.002-04:00

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- Singer Chris Brown has recorded a song with his reported girlfriend, Rihanna, just days after charges were filed against him for allegedly assaulting her, the record's producer said Thursday through a publicist.
The producer, Polow Da Don, said the singers completed a duet earlier this week, but released no other details, said his publicist Laura Wright.
"My heart goes out to both Chris and Rihanna for what has happened in the past," he said. "They are both great artists to work with, and I wish them well."

And I used to like you Polow...

25 Signs

2009-03-10T09:10:00.015-04:00

After a funny convo with a dear friend, I thought I'd post a comical topic. This one goes out none other than the person who always ends up being "That Guy".

25 Signs It's Not "Them" But "You":

People roll their eyes or whisper to their friends when you enter the room.

People ask if you're coming to an event because if you are, then they either will not be in attendance or need to prepare their strategy to avoid you all night.

If you do show up unexpectedly, all of a sudden people have "somewhere else" to go.

After meeting people for the first time, they wonder if you're "always like that".

People befriend you initially and eventually you never hear from them again.

People do not return your texts/calls.

People notice all you do is talk about yourself.

You have to complement yourself because no one else is.

You aren't having fun, but everyone else is.

People do not want to sit next to you because they don't want to look like they're with you.

If someone has to sit next to you, they're body is slumped the furthest away from you.

In conversation, people give you short 1-3 word replies.

People mumble under their breath phrases like, "Whatever", "Oh Please", "Oh God", and the most obvious, "Why won't he/she just shut up?" while you're speaking.

People occasionally seem to "huff" or breathe heavily unless it is appropriate to the conversation.

People stop smiling around you.

You constantly complain about other people.

The friends you do have kindly describe you as “intense”.

People often accuse you of “trying too hard” .

People often use the phrase "let it go" around you.

You find yourself carrying grudges like an Olympic torch.

People do not look you in the eye or they look away frequently while talking to you.

You can't figure out why someones mood has changed to down/negative so abruptly.

People cringe when you talk.

People look at you with disgust or discomfort after you've said something.

Lots of people, in a joking manner, tell you "you're crazy" because if they tell you seriously, they don't know what your reaction will be.

Happy Birthday Kadence!!

2009-03-10T08:55:00.005-04:00

My baby is officially a year older! Man time flies. I didn't realize how super cute she was when I first got her, but she's still cute to this day. Especially when she does her crazy jumping around the living room. Literally, it's crazy!

I don't hate Beyonce, but...

2009-03-09T12:12:00.007-04:00

Originally I wasn't going to blog on this subject, but after I saw a picture on Mediatakeout.com {guilty pleasure at work to read some of the stuff these assumptive liars put up} of a supposed new video shoot, I had to say something. My friend Chann-o [lol] suggested last week that I blog on why girls are so crazy over Beyonce. I decided to not blog on it because personally, I'm not apart of the Bey fan club. I respect her music, I think she knows what she's doing in the industry, I'm happy she's apart of a power couple, and I think she's attractive {just stick to the natural look}, but I don't find myself clocking her every move. I clock Kim Kardashian and that's probably a topic for another blog when I'm ready to battle the girls that despise her.

Anywho, here's the pic:

Is this another House of Dereon catastrophe???????? What is going on with this dress?? Are we going for corporate couture in this video? I just don't get it. The color at the top of the dress washes her out and the cut around the neckline isn't flattering. Skimming down to the hip area... wtf... Bey- you already have shape, this is over exaggeration. It's not 1809... fast forward 200 years please. I don't even want to discuss the texture of this dress, some type of tan confetti of sorts. Lastly, gotta talk about the shoes. Maybe they're bad {you know in the good way}, but they definitely do not go with this dress. Skinny leg jeans or leggings... yes. All in all, I'd have to say fire your stylist even if it is your mother.

Now there's probably some girl out there {maybe someone that Chann-o knows} that thinks Beyonce can do no wrong. I'm almost 100% certain there's guys out there that do too. But c'mon people, is love really that blind?!? Step up and be the girl friend/ guy friend that would say, "Oh hun, you cannot go out the house in that."

Your Touch

2009-03-07T12:49:00.010-05:00

So yesterday afternoon, I'm sitting at work. It's a brutal Friday. Unlike the rest of corporate America, if you work where I do, the day you most likely have to pull OT is going to be on a Friday. It's no suprise, they tell you this during the interview. Half way through the day, my back is killing me. When I'm stressed, I feel that crap built up in my upper back and neck.

I could use a massage.

But it's a recession and shelling out 85 bucks on an hour massage... well, that money could go towards my developing shoe addiction.

I wish I had a man.

Now I'm single {ha, ha, ugh}, and I would like to ask a guy friend to give me a massage...but... all I want is a massage. For some reason hands + touching body parts = yesssss [to them] and hands + touching body parts = uncomfortable situation [to me]. Massages are supposed to be relaxing, so I see why people [including myself] go to places where you can lay down naked in front of a complete stranger and pay them. You're getting only what you're asking for, and if I wanted a happy ending, well I'd pay for that too. But that's a whole other blog for a completely different blogger. Not I.

However, if you'd like to be that guy that can give just a massage, here's my tips:

Press firmly. There's nothing worse than you touching some part of my back so lightly that it tickles. I'm rarely that sensitive to touch, but when it happens, not good. Tickling makes me jump and in turn, in order to jump my muscles have to tense up. The point of a massage is to relax the muscles, not the other way around.
Don't talk to me during it. If you want to know how you're doing and I'm not talking, then *ding* you're doing just fine.
Don't try to get your feels in. Use some other opportunity for that. It'll just make me mad at you when you do and then you're worse off than when you started.
If I'm in a relationship with you or something close to that {insert friends with benefits bullsh*t}, don't kiss my back or any part of me for that matter. Kisses only cause what points 1 and 3 discuss so combining two no-no's means I'll probably hate you forever. Well maybe not forever, but close to 10 years {sarcasticly said}.
When you're done and I'm feeling all good and ready to take a nap, don't hop up with "My turn!!" I was the one stressed out when this started, not you. You only got the idea mid-way through the massage.
Lastly, if you can't handle the rules, DO NOT offer to give a massage!

I understand it can be hard {no pun intended} for a guy to touch a woman's body and not think of touching other places possibly with other body parts. But just let us relax like we want to. Try the "get down with the get-down" tactics later on in the day/evening. I don't know who this blog will educate, but looks like I'll be going to make an appointment with Helga at the spa. $85 down.

...Surgery...

2009-03-05T12:54:00.021-05:00

Tonsillectomy
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A tonsillectomy is a surgical procedure in which the tonsils are removed. Sometimes the adenoids are removed at the same time.

These are my tonsils. Don't they look lovely? Wait... for those of you who have no clue where the tonsils are, look way in the back behind my tongue. There's 2 - one on either side of my throat (not the ball-hangy thing on the roof of my mouth, that's the Uvala). They're huge. And furthermore, they're not sexy!!

So I went to my ENT {ear.nose.throat} specialist today for the second time since the beginning of this year. And well... a tonsillectomy was the verdict. So 2 weeks following my 25th birthday, I'll be minus a couple of body parts. Can't say I'll miss them too much. After all, they've been putting me in hell for the past 3 years. Trip to the ER here, doctor's appointment there, mix in a few antibiotics and even the advice to "just let them get better on their own" [bad, bad advice].

The silver lining to this surgery is I'll be out of work for 10 days straight. I would consider it a mini vacation, but there's nothing vacation-like about being in pain. Might be some vacation-likeness in some pain killers though! If any of my friends are planning on visiting me during my recovery stage, just know I hate Jell-o and I will throw it at you with the intent of certain death if you do bring it over. :)

Ohhh Girl!!

2009-03-04T22:16:00.015-05:00

He can get it!

Yes, women say this phrase about men. Men are aesthetically alert, but women are too. After all, we do pay great attention to detail. I can't speak for all women, but I'd like to list a few items that grab my eye when a dude walks by.

Nike boots... definitely a well-known fashion of the DMV for guys. To me, they've replaced Tims. Wear them with dark-colored jeans please.

Blazers with jeans... perfect combination of a little thug/relaxed look mixed with sophistication.

A fresh shape up... can't beat it. A dude's whole outfit/style could be awful, but hey, a shape up can truly give him a boost.

Waves... if you are lucky enough to be able to get them and combine them with a shape up- yea, you're grade A. Grade A+ if you can get the 360 waves.

A fitted hat... not for every occasion, but nice for chill days.

Some J's... throw these with the fitted and you're in there like swimwear.

Lastly, a personal favorite of mine. Eyeglasses... neardy yet sexy. Throw these on a brother and I'm sold.

**Note: combining some of these items can be lethal to your appeal. Use discretion in your choices. For example, do not do the blazer/ jeans combo with a pair of Jordan's. The jeans offset the blazer enough and adding another relaxed item would weigh on the look. Do mix glasses and a fresh cut with every look. Those little perks are like putting icing on a cake. I love cake.**

Oh, I'm sorry! How could I forget?!?!?! The most important thing of all...

An intellectual brother... see you could have the WHOLE look down... I'm talkin on point, but as soon as you open your mouth and I hear some type of ignorance.... ANNNNNNNNTTTTTT.... you might as well look like Yoda to me.

Useful...yet...Useless

2009-03-04T14:33:00.011-05:00

Discount/point Cards:

So last night I went to Smoothie King. At the register they ask you if you have a frequent buyer card. Answer: no. They ask you if you want one, "It's free!" Answer: umm, ok. So they stamp or punch this business card sized thing and hand it to you. My thoughts, "Great, another thing to stuff into my wallet."

This seems to be happening everywhere I go. Something you have to carry around with you to get stamped, swiped, hole-punched or zapped with that laser retail gun scanner thing so that by the 10th time you've gone there or cultivated X number of points you get something for free. It happens at the hair salon, the movie theater, restaurants, etc. The problem is, I have more of these things in my wallet than anything else! So I'm more likely to just throw it away than use it. Those keyfob thingies don't help either.

I have more of those on my key ring than I have keys!! For places I do frequent, I guess they're good to have. Although at Giant, CVS or Safeway I can just enter my phone number at the checkout and get the same discounts. Why can't we just use our phone numbers everywhere??

Victoria's Secret Free Panty cards:

Sounds like a great idea initially right? Offer customers free draws to get them to come into the store and hopefully pick up a few more items while they're there. Who wouldn't want a free pair of VS thongs? Genius marketing idea, however... I get these cards at least 5 times a year and I rarely use them. There's a few reasons behind my inaction:

They only offer you the not so sexy panties to choose from.
If I didn't pick up some other item while I was maximizing on the offer, I'd feel like once I got to the register, I was just the person who came in solely for some intimate clothing hand-out.

I think the fact that it's undergarmets at stake which make me so uncomfortable with this move. I can do it with a free coupon for ice cream at Carvel's or a free apple pie from McDonald's... but free underoos from Vicky's??? Not sexy. How well does this free offer work for VS I wonder? Are there other women (and some men VS buyers) that feel the same way I do about these cards? The best thing I get out of these panty cards from VS is turn them into bookmarks. I'm sure someone on the subway has looked at me while I was reading like, "This chick must be reading those sex books with a bookmark like that. Freak!"

Pet Peeves of the DMV - starring the Metro system

2009-03-04T10:25:00.013-05:00

I decided one part of my blog would look at all the pet peeves I have with the DMV {DC.MD.VA}.
To start, I decided to give my 2¢ of our lovely subway system known to us riders as "The Metro". Now, I'm not going to even speak of the faulty operations I encounter at least once a week going to and/or from work. Just look at the picture below of what I dealt with this morning at 7:10am in 19 degree weather.

I was out there for 45 minutes. Enough said.

Anyhow, I'm going to harp on my other annoyances with the Metro:

People that have to be at the door the second it opens so they can be the first to get on and get that seat. I wait cooley on either side of the doors. I take my time walking in. I don't have to push over the lady with the stroller to get the seat 4 feet away from me. Dog, you got it. I'm young and I can stand for a few stops if I have to.
People that roll their eyes at you when you kindly motion that you'd like to sit down on the part of the seat that is next to the window since they're sitting closest to the aisle. This is public transportation. Not your house. I paid as much, if not more, to be on this train too. If you didn't want to have to get up, slide the hell over!
People that stand on the left side of the escalator. Can you not see that everyone else that wants to stand like a bump on a log does that on the right side?!?! The left is for us people that keep it moving so move!
People that pop their gum. Would you please close your mouth. There are 20-50 other people on this car that don't want to hear how you can keep the beat to Soulja Boy's "She Gotta Donk" with your Bubblicious.
People that bring food/drinks on the Metro, but don't notice they're the only ones eating/drinking. Perhaps because it's unlawful and the rest of us read the signs?? Maybe? Just a thought.
People with crying kids. Now, I understand it's hard at times to get a kid to pipe down. I don't have any kids of my own, but I've babysat a few in my day and I understand you can be at your wits end with one. However, I'm talking about the people that let their kid scream and scream yet act like they don't hear them. How is it that we can hear them, but you can't?? Do you have some magical ears that an infomercial hasn't sold us yet??
People that stare at you for eerie amounts of time. If I glance up from my book and notice you looking in my direction and glance up 5 minutes later to the same thing, I think you may be a little creepy.
People that don't offer their seat to pregnant women, older folks, and people with disablities. No futher comment on my part needed.
People that know the train doors are closing, but still run to try to make it on the train just to get stuck between the doors with a stupid smirk on their face. Thank you Metro idiot for holding up the train when the next train going in the same direction is 2 minutes behind.
People that are loud for no good gawd reason. Really???? I'm either on my way to work or leaving work and I have to listen to your a**? Is the person you're in conversation with sitting right next to you that hard of hearing? Or is the person you're on the phone with practicing their script for the new "Can you hear me now?" Verizon Wireless commercial?

Why are you defrosting your icebox??

2009-03-04T09:11:00.001-05:00

Giving a title to a blog.... there's a lot at stake with this one. Sitting there thinking, "What sounds cool?" or "What name will cause people to gravitate to my blog just because of the name?" During a brief discussion with Mr. Coleman (plug for www.fortyoneacres.com), he said it should be clever and funny, yet an accurate description of me.

...Blog title pressure...

I don't know if "Defrosting the Icebox" sounds cool. I mean it's cold in theory, but is it magnetic?

Clever and funny? Ummmm, nothing that astoundingly humorous about taking freezer burned crap out and throwing it away.

Is it an accurate description of me? Here's maybe where the title wins:

The first thing that popped into my mind when racking my brain for a title is when my mom mistakenly thought some R&B song was Omarion's "Icebox". She said, "Isn't this Icebox? That's your song!!" Is it my song? Ok, maybe I played it one too many times. It's definitely apart of my Top 25 most played playlist on my iPod. But, I thought a 2Pac song would have been it. He is my favorite arist of all time hands down. But Omarion? B2K and cornrows Omarion?? Geesh.

Funny thing is, the word 'icebox' does describe me. I've been told on many occasions by many a people that I have a hard exterior to crack. Difficult to read emotionally. Reserved. Quiet. Cold. Underneath it all, when I let people in, they see I'm funny, sarcastic, goofy, caring... and all the good things a person should be- or at least I try to be. With the personal strides I'm making right now in 2009 that I have not done in the past, in a way I am defrosting my icebox. Taking out the unidentifyable frozen crap that's been in me for years. I'm going to change. I'm going to take down my emotional wall with people. I have no choice but to do just that.

Lastly, I must say, I've had "Icebox" playing through my head for as long as I've been typing this intro. So, I'm going to post it. But just to let you know, my song is "Icebox Remix" feat. Usher. Get it right mom!