{Same thing, but backwards}

So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a sh*t, he genuinely doesn't give a sh*t. No exceptions. - Alex: He's Just Not That Into You (2009) [movie]

Plain and simple. Black and white. No ambiguity, no gray, no fuzzy line, no maybe. I wish for the duration of my dating life thus far I had took that line as bible. Bygones.

So what's my angle with this: Am I going to go off on a tangent about how selfishly evil guys [and girls] can be? Give tips and tricks on how to win the one that never committed to you {ahem, me included}? Tell you they'll come around one day and be everything you know they can be? No, Nein, and Nyet. You can accept that they will never be and call it defeat or accept it and call it a victory of your heart. Gawd that sounded mushy and girlie. But whatever.

Hard to fathom, but they're just doing the same thing you are, but backwards. They lead you on/keep you hanging while you put yourself out there time and time again, all for the same purpose.... to not be completely alone. Life analogy: You're the kid sitting at the lunch table by yourself longing for someone, anyone, to sit next to you so you don't look like a loser. They spot you alone and decide to sit there until their friends show up. They don't really want to be sitting there, but they will as long as they know it's temporary. They might do it again a few more lunch periods. Even engage in conversation, share life experiences, and heck they talked to you walking down the hall one day, but that's all to secure the status quo. So they have a buffer until what they really want shows up. Oh and don't let someone who really wants to sit next to you come to the table, ol backwards Bobby might not join you if they see that and there goes your afternoon chat. Eventually, the jig is up and you realize what has been going down. But crap, at least you have someone to sit with you right? You don't want to give that up even if you know it's not everything you thought it was. At least it's... kinda something??

It's you shooting yourself in the foot. That's what it is. Even if the next time they roll up at the table like any other day and you give them the official boot, you feel like a dumbdumb when you see them looking around for another table the next day and so you wave them over. Thinking, maybe they'll see you're truly into them. No, Nein, Nyet. They just see a reliable place to sit once again.

Enough of this lunch with benefits talk. Ok, let's summarize. Stop being your own enemy. We all get duped. Welcome to the club, just don't become a life-time member. Just because they're always there, doesn't mean they're always right. That's called settling my friends.

After I typed that last line, I got stuck. Where to go from here? So I sat here for 7 minutes looking at the cursor blinking... there, not, there, not, there, not... only when I type does it go solid. Gotta move forward. You press backspace a few times and sometimes you make typos, but you keep going. Period.

We need to talk about Kim...

This blog has been a lonnnnnggg, long time coming. Ever since I started blogging I said I would write it. Even with the pleading of my girl Kizzy, I still wasn't ready... until now.

So let's do this. Because, we need to talk about Kim.

Kimberly Noel "Kim" Kardashian

According to Wikipedia.org she is an American celebutante, socialite, model, actress, businesswoman, and television personality. There's some of your background on her.

Now, I'm a fan of Kim. But, a lot of people are not. Pick a gossip website on any given day, let's go with MediaTakeout.com for example, and read through entry after entry of the negative comments. Why the negativity? A sex tape.

Back in 2007, the said sex tape was released of her and former boyfriend, singer/actor Ray J. I'm an adult and for sole purposes of being in the know, I viewed the tape. My personal opinion... two people in a relationship having sex without the intent of it going public. Well, I somewhat believe Ray J had the intent. He was in front of the camera most of the time and kept referring to him self as the "director". Let's get real people, sex is a part of life. Everyone (well most everyone) engages in it at some point in their life. To be so negative towards this person for that tape is really overdoing it. But yet people continue to criticize her because of it and have critized her with far more things as an attack. She's called a whore [along with any variation of the word] and an attention/media whore. People say her rear end has impants/injections because she's "trying to be Black". She's labeled as not being intelligent. People say she "does nothing" and/or is a gold digger. Lot's more, but I don't have the time or want to get into all of it.

I want to look at the positive/true facts about Kim:

• She's a business woman... whether she hit fame because of that tape or not, she's making moves. She started as a fashion stylist for celebrities and down the line - has a reality show on E!, three DASH stores (co-owned with her family), fitness DVD's, is a spokesperson for QuickTrim, is the CEO of the genius website http://www.shoedazzle.com/, is a gorgeous model, is soon to release a fragrance, is a columnist for OK! Magazine, and an actress. I can see why so many people would dislike her on those achievements alone.
  
• She loves her family. They fight and bicker like the rest of us, but she's extremely loyal to them all and visibly cares deeply for them.
  
• She's a philanthropist. She has visited Africa in support of the Diamond Empowerment Fund. She works with The Dream Foundation where she has auctioned off her clothing on Ebay (Kim's Closet) to benefit the foundation amongst other contributions. Has spoke for Dress for Success. Contributed to Jeans Bring Dreams to benefit the Mattel Children's Hospital at UCLA, Operation Smile, Books for Kids, The Armenian Orphanage Foundation, etc.
  
• She appreciates her fans. She has by far the most involved website I have ever seen. It's saturated with her day-to-day happenings, pictures of times spent with friends, childhood memories, makeup and fashion tips as well as her achievements.
  

I just cannot understand the level of hate people have for her. I think if someone is helping people more than hurting people, then they can't be an awful person. Sure she made a dumb decision the second the 'Record' button was pressed years ago on that camcorder, but that's no reason to throw stones at her. She came from money {father was a prominent lawyer} and is a true business woman so she can't be a gold digger. She dedicates her time to not 1, but multiple charities which I do not see many other celebrities doing [or non-celebrities for that matter]. I could care less about her butt, although her whole female family {including grandmother} have the same abundance going on. Lastly, for people to care what race she dates is ridiculous. At least Reggie Bush knows she's not with him for his money. She came with her own and has made more since the start of the relationship. Moreover, she's found someone who looks at her and not her past.

In closing, I like Kim Kardashian because she is nice as far as I can tell, she is gorgeous, she doesn't bash people, she is growing as a person and she is open with her life. I think she's realized that as a celebrity, she barely has a private life so she decided to put her cards on the table. I admire her for that because not many of us are willing to do the same. So before you bash Kim K, put your life out there and see if people give you the Perfect Person Award.

[It's not you, it's...]

When I started my saga of blogging adventures, I mentioned that I would not blog unless I am compelled to do so. Ergo, I have to be provoked by something notable... a song, a conversation, an article, a picture, another blog... so on and so forth. Why is that my blogging criteria? Well... you.
I don't want to bore you first of all. Otherwise my blog would look like:

Wednesday, November 4, 2009 "Looked out the window and saw a leaf fall."

and

Saturday, November 7, 2009 "It's 8:30am."

Boring, insignificant and mundane.

Second, no one would read my blog anymore. No explanation needed on that point.

So where am I going with all of this?

Here is where I'm going with it (insert ominous music clip):

The Twitter Addict
Just like a blog, Twitter is a form of electronic expression. Key word: expression. The same principles apply here, or at least in my book. There is nothing worse than me seeing 27 tweets from one person, I mean follower, in the past 5 minutes. Clearly, you are bored and my eyes have been subject to inadvertent punishment as a result. My next move is to unfollow you. This may seem harsh, but it's my only defense. And usually I'll give people a grace period for doing this exorbitant babbling. Maybe you just want to get something off your chest. We're all allowed to go off on a tangent every once in a while, but not every day all day.
Perhaps someone reading this has been unfollowed by me and never knew why. Or maybe you want to know what exactly prompts me to unfollow someone. Well, here you have it in a nice list format:

• Song lyrics. Not just one or two lines, practically the whole thing. I have most likely heard the entire song, I do not need a Twitter rendition.
• Your every move. I'm talking about EVERY move. We all brush our teeth (or at least should), we all drive to work, we all close the car door, we all check our email.... I flippin got it OK?!?!?
• Saying dumb things just to get a response from someone, anyone out there in Twitterland. I do not have time for ignorance and I refuse to give you the attention that your mother, father, or both parents never gave you.
• Your mapped location on this planet with every tweet. I am not a stalker and I do not care where you are one minute compared to the next. Plus, you've probably already tweeted about where you are (see 'Your every move' point above).
• Retweeting the entirety of your conversations. If I'm not following them, I probably don't know them. Therefore, the conversation between you two is insignificant to me. And if I do follow them, that means I can already see this conversation. Spare me from the redundancy.

So don't take it overly personal if I do unfollow you. It doesn't mean I don't like you the person anymore; I just don't like what you talk about or how often you talk. I did a little self check, and my average tweeting in a day (not including replying to my friends) is somewhere between 7-13 posts. Yesterday, I twit 5 times. And today, twice since I got up at 6am. I just really wonder what some people were doing with their lives before they signed up for Twitter?

Final thought: Just use some discretion please.

...For the LOVE of Money...

I attempted to count how many wedding invitations I've seen in the past year and a half. Let's just say too many for me figure out in a short amount of time. Every other day it seems as if new photo albums are up on Facebook about "So & So's" wedding. My first thought is, "Crap, I'm behind the curve here." But my second thought, "Um, don't these people know it's a recession"??

They do.

After doing some Googling (aka accredited research) on marriage rates and the recession, I was quite surprised. Now I'm not going to cite stats because A) probably 5 people read this blog and I doubt anyone would really care enough to check them out and B) I don't work for a newspaper or CNN so what does it matter? In a nutshell, marriages haven't declined because they actually become a proxy for stability in these unstable times. Financially and emotionally.

Tax breaks and medical coverage are two big benefits of marriage in the financial spectrum during these uncertain times. Our healthcare system in the US is, well, a joke and taxes are through the roof. Internally speaking, being married can give someone the feeling of a sure thing when everything else around you isn't so sure. When little worker bee goes out in to the world everyday and hears the doom and gloom watercooler talks of pending layoffs... it would be nice to go home to someone who's going to be there "for better or for worse".

This stuff carries over into the divorce rate during a recession. "It's cheaper to keep her" they say. Divorces are expensive, no doubt about that. People are even choosing not to separate. If you do, then there's 2 mortgages (or 2 rents- however you swing the living arrangements) that have to be paid. Money, money, money.

I just hope the people I do know that are married or will be soon are doing it for the right reasons. Some I don't doubt, but a few of the others that came up quickly, I have my notions about.

At any rate, let me dedicate this song to everyone who took part in the marriage boom I've been noticing...

|We Drink Beer Too|

Can you name the 7 zebras on the field during a football game?? Did you know each zebra even had a name, not just referee? I usually find myself asking this question to men when they think I'm just another girl that has no knowledge of sports. And once I rattle off all 7 {usually the last one takes me a second to remember} I get the same reaction, "Wow I didn't even know that." Now, I may not be able to hold down an arguement with a bunch of guys on who is the best CB, RB, QB, TE or WR in the game, but I do know at least what those positions are and what they do. I'm not the chick that goes to a game, complains about the weather, talks during every play, asks what just happened, and then gets bored and starts to look at her nails. I was raised better than that. I can't rattle off stats from 9 years ago [although I wish I could], it seems that guys have a brain capacity geared towards those types of things. Nonetheless, I'm into the game, I'm aware, and I get just as excited for football season as any other man I know.

Preseason has just begun. While my man was watching Storm Stories on The Weather Channel this past Sunday evening, I kept saying, "Isn't the first game of the season on??" His answer, "I think it's on tomorrow." Of course I was right and mad that I missed the first quarter and most of the second. He's lucky it wasn't a regular season game. Later in the night he changed the channel!!! Stopping for a second to reassure myself that I was still the female in the relationship and he was still the male, I had to acknowledge that not everyone watches preseason. Newcomers and unsigned players are trying to earn their spot and most games are uneventful. However, he better not pull that stunt again.

I decided to write this post because one of my friends on Twitter {I think} typed something about how it was football season again and women are going to be upset because guys will be all into the games. I took offense to what was said. I've been waiting for the season to start ever since last season ended. I watched the draft. I've kept up with OTA's and training camp. I've been asking about the set up of a Fantasy Football league to one of my friends since last month. And I know there are other women out there just like me. But maybe we're a small percentage in the female population. And if that makes me "sexy" for knowing the game along with other sports [which I've been told], then so be it. Just don't put me in a box with the rest of the chicks. That's all I ask.

By the way:

1. Referee
2. Umpire
3. Field Judge
4. Line Judge
5. Back Judge
6. Side Judge
7. Head Linesman

-One of Many-

I couldn't find my iPod this morning so I was stuck with talk radio on my drive to work. I don't understand why people want to talk so much in the morning. Play some music to get me through this traffic. But, nontheless, I had no choice. On WPGC, Tigger was filling in while Donnie is on vacation. He dropped the statistic that 70% of African-American women are single. Meaning, when they file their taxes they check the Single box as opposed to Married. Don't confuse it with the thought of: are they in a relationship or not. We're talking about legal (and what used to vastly be religious) commitment. Of course they wanted to know why this number was so huge. It's a mixture of things quite honestly. As with any social dilemma, there's never one quick-fix answer.

Let's look at modern media to start. I say this over and over again like a broken record, but the flash and glamour of the music scene do not help the African-American community. Songs and videos are full of the "pimp/playa" ideal. A man has many women. The women don't care about being one of the many. This has been seen for years and years in our music. So when women are seen as disposable and replaceable, why would a man want to get married? They don't have to. It's not the norm. How does this transfer over into real life? Go to the club one night. Count how many tables you see where men have surrounded themselves with women to portray the same images as seen in the videos. And lots of ladies give it up easy. No work needed. So that's no help to lowering that 70% at all.

Let's look at values or lack there of rather. How rampant is it to be the norm to come from a single mother home amongst African-Americans? There is nothing wrong with being a single parent, but let's look at what the kids see. They don't learn how to be in a marriage. My parents have been together 30 years this month. I've seen the real struggle to keep a marriage going through the rough times. I've seen the benefits of teamwork. Too many times I've heard people say "If I get pregnant/If I get a girl pregnant then it's just how it's supposed to be." What happened to getting married before bringing kids into the picture?? I rarely hear nowadays people saying no kids before marriage, absolutely not happening. I feel like the minority. So, back to the stat in question, if a guy does not need to get married to get a kid, then why get married?

The next point was raised on the radio and I don't know how I feel about it completely. Education and salary. Apparently, if an African-American woman has more education/income than an African-American man, he feels emasculated and therefore won't date/marry her. I can see how this could present an issue, but I don't think it's the end all for a man to not get married. At least not African-American men as a whole. For some men, it's a drive to do better and reach higher when it comes to career. If they can be the boyfriend of someone who makes more than them, I don't see the disconnect where they can't be the husband to someone who makes more than them. Don't guys want to know a woman isn't with them for their money anyhow?

Lastly, I'm not going to put all the blame on the men. Cause it definitely takes 2 in this situation. African-American women have gotten a little lost when it comes to gender roles. Yes, we can do it all, but if a man doesn't feel needed in places he has been told from birth are his places, then why would he get married? I had a hard time figuring this one out myself. I hated when guys would open doors or carry my bags for me. But what they are taught as men, that is what they need to do, it's their place. So LET them do it. And look- women don't need to cook for their man every day of the week, but do it once in a while. They will look at you so starry-eyed it's ridiculous. Same goes for cleaning here and there. It's an age-old way of men deciding if you're going to make a fit wife, to be able to take care of his children and him for the long haul. (Well, we gotta stop having children before marriage for that to work don't we?) I want to touch on the fact that African-American women need to take better care of their health and eat right, but then I'm sure I'll get the "He better love me for me and not my body" response. Please, he will love you deeply, but his picker will point at another woman when it comes to sexual attraction. And guess what? If you can keep yourself in good health and good hygiene, I'm going to bet he'll think you can do the same for his offspring. And please note, there is a difference between being 'thick' and being overweight. If you don't know the difference, check your BMI. 'Thick' will be on the higher end of a healthy/normal BMI- not in the obese area.

So let me dedicate the following video to this 70% stat. Good luck to us ladies out there wanting to make it to marriage. It may not be in the cards for us. We may have to date outside our race. Or we may just need to find that needle in a haystack African-American man who will commit for the rest of his life. After all, we do call them "The One".

[Letting Go]

Woooooowwww! So a whole month has passed since I've shared my thoughts and opinions here. I guess my surgery + move + adjusting time really threw me off balance. Definitely more than anticipated. The surgery recovery was brutal, the move was thankfully smooth and the adjustment time has, well, taken some time. But I think I'm in there pretty good now. Funny I used the words "off balance" because that is exactly this post is about. Weighing the pros and cons- The Cost/Benefit Analysis. 

I've seen/heard this topic come up quite often. From a co-worker to a blog {http://theinsanityreport.com/home/index.php/2009/04/13/random-thoughts/why-you-cant-findkeep-a-good-man } to simple Facebook status'. The common denominator in all of these examples is that they've come from men. What's up with the female genetic makeup when it comes to realising "This is some BS, I'm out"?? 

In truth, it took me awhile to learn this skill. It wasn't second nature. I've had to have a lot of convos with male friends and even my father to pick this up. For all of the women that have seen the movie He's Just Not That Into You, what did the guy do when he figured out he didn't like the girl? Each and everytime he dropped the contact with her. Cold turkey. Why is it that women can't do the same so easily? Plenty of times I've listened on the phone to my unhappy girlfriends telling me some story about how dude did them sooooo wrong and I tell them "Red Flag". I'm not talking about petty things like how he failed to open the door one time they were out or how he was in a bad mood one day. I'm talking about how dude played her recklessly. So, I tell them red flag and to move on. Lo and behold, I'm having the same convo with the same girl about the same guy, but just a week later. Shoot me. 

Why is it that so many women are into believing a guy will turn out to be what they want in the end when in the beginning they never were?? Why is it that we seem to have our relationship analysis button stuck on 'fix' when it should be blinking 'RUN'?? As much as I would hate to say it, take some dating advice from a guy on this one and cut your losses early. Look at them, they move on like they missed a train and know another is coming out the tunnel 2 minutes later. Maybe it's the right train, maybe it isn't. Maybe I shouldn't be equating dating to train schedules, but really, get off at the next stop if the ride isn't working out.